


i can't say any more than i love you (everything else is a waste of breath)

by owl_system



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mention of blood, Requited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28944474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owl_system/pseuds/owl_system
Summary: the doctor is in love, but with who? title from i want you by elvis costello.
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/The Master (Simm), The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who)
Kudos: 12





	i can't say any more than i love you (everything else is a waste of breath)

after a few days of travelling in the tardis, the doctor and the master managed to settle in to a vague sort of routine. of course, it wasn’t quite as smooth as it might have been when they were in the academy together (though there was the odd moment where they’d be so synchronised, so easy that it felt like they’d turned back the clock), but they managed. 

on the fifth morning (though it was hard to tell) in the tardis, the master entered the control room to find the doctor humming a vaguely familiar tune to himself as he ran his hands over the panels. he’d been hoping to stand back and survey his enemy for a while before choosing how to make himself known, but he’d only been there for a minute or so when the doctor, not even bothering to turn around, muttered “hello, master.”  
‘how did you know i was here?” the master spluttered, irritated that he’d lost his small advantage. still refusing to face the master, the doctor waved at the barrier the other time lord was leaning against, and tapping in beats of four. the master clenched his fist. “anyway, what-” mid-sentence, the doctor cut himself off with a sudden, violent coughing fit. lightning fast, the master pushed himself off the barrier and flew to the doctor’s side. “shit, is everything okay?” though the answer to that question was clearly ‘not at all’, the doctor waved the master off. when the coughing receded, the doctor moved the arm covering his mouth behind his back. “what was that?” he’d never admit it, but the master was panicking. “nothing, i’m fine. just need a drink- tea?” it had to be said- the doctor was a pretty good actor. if the master was an unobservant human, he would’ve been distracted by this performance and dropped the issue of the doctor’s health. thankfully, however, he was a very observant time lord, so he noticed things that refused to let him forget- the doctor was pale and sweating slightly, and nearly stumbled a few times before reaching the kitchen. the sight that really caught in the master’s mind, though, was the blood splattered on the sleeve of the doctor’s suit jacket, right where it had been held over his mouth.

as soon as he reached the kitchen, the doctor collapsed against the counter. he’d been coughing for five days now, but the blood had only started yesterday. after running some scans (though he could’ve guessed it), he confirmed the problem.   
hanahaki.  
even whispering the words was enough to terrify a time lord- it was one of the few things that could kill them. and, thanks to its origins in unrequited love, couldn’t be cured. so, the doctor was dying. dying over who? unfortunately, the answer was obvious- the only person he’d seen since the coughing started. the master. 

since being forced to realise the nature and intensity of his feelings for the master, the doctor was desperately trying to avoid him. this should have been easy, given the size of the tardis, but the master had a way of ending up at the doctor’s side.  
“doctor?”   
case in point. the doctor sprang up from the chair he’d been sat in and pretended to be calibrating a dial- his favourite excuse. “master,” the doctor acknowledged the other time lord as he waltzed into the control room. “have you decided where we’re going?” excited about the place he was planning to take the master, the doctor spun around and went to reply, but was cut off by the worst coughing fit he’d had yet. “doctor!” the master, dignity forgotten, crashed to the doctor’s side. the look of concern on his face echoed another, ages ago, in another time and place. never one to accept help, the doctor turned away, continuing to cough into his hand. when the coughing fit finally stopped, he pulled away from the master so sharply he thought he could feel the sting. “i’m fine,” the doctor hissed, though his voice was too weak for it to have any real bite. the master raised an eyebrow. “i never said you weren’t,” he replied smoothly. “though i may have cause- what are you holding?” there was something, the master noticed, half concealed in the doctor’s hand. “nothing. to answer your question, i have decided where we’re going. it’s a surprise. we’ll be there soon, get ready.” his tone was clipped. the master tried to see what was in the doctor’s hand, to confirm or deny his suspicions, but the second he caught a glimpse he wished he hadn’t. flower petals. dark red and light pink, splattered with blood. rose petals. without another word, the master turned on his heel and stalked off to his room.

“rose.” the master only just got to his room before he started crying and hissing. “rose. of course it’s rose. we’re the last of our kind- all that history, and she still comes out above me.” trying to focus on his anger, a far more familiar emotion than sadness of this magnitude, he paced. 

meanwhile, in the control room, the doctor was planning. originally, he’d wanted to take the master to dozens of places before this, but he had to rush everything now. nine hundred years, a tardis, and the doctor was running out of time.

despite his terrifyingly inevitable death, the doctor was ludicrously excited about where he was taking the master. he’d left almost immediately after landing on the planet, but had since found himself dreaming of taking a time lord here, specifically this one. the thought had always been dismissed, but now it was actually happening. death, he thought, was a small price to pay.

“where are we?” having been kept in the dark about their destination, the master didn’t understand the doctor’s happiness, though the glint in his dark eyes made his hearts speed up. until he remembered those flower petals and tensed. still, he let himself be dragged out of the tardis, not without a running stream of quips and sarcastic comments. all sarcasm stopped, however, when he stepped out of the tardis and surveyed his surroundings. “where… where are we?” he asked again, softer this time. “an uninhabited planet,” the doctor responded, just as quiet. “i came here before, but i couldn’t stay alone.” the master was enthralled, more sincere than the doctor had seen him in a while. “it looks like home.” and it did, if only just. there were a few subtle differences that both of them would have picked up on if their usually sharp observational skills hadn’t been significantly dulled by the landscape and the memories it brought forward. standing in the long grass felt to both time lords like shrugging off a far-too-heavy coat after much too long. the doctor, saviour of worlds, and the master, their destroyer, no longer existed. just two young rebels from the academy, trying to figure out who they were, together.

“theta,” the master whispered reverently. somehow, his hand had become entangled in the doctor’s. he didn’t pull away. “koschei,” the doctor answered in the same tone. their eyes met, and identical grins split their faces in two. “come on,” the master smirked, pulling the doctor towards the nearly-familiar landscape.

after what felt like hours of reliving years gone by, the two time lords flopped down on their backs, hidden by the long grasses. “we’re not as young as we used to be,” the doctor panted. “speak for yourself, old man,” the master quipped, falling back into their easy dynamic. suddenly, the doctor was aware of how close his face was to the master’s. “what do you think?” he asked gently, eyes tracing the master’s features. “it’s… it’s like home. thank you for taking me here.” they moved even closer together, until they were inches apart. the master’s eyes slid to the doctor’s lips. it would have been so easy to kiss him, he thought, to close that space. they were both in different bodies than they had been the last time they kissed, and the master wanted to see if they still fit together the same. but something stopped him. those petals, half covered by the doctor’s hand. rose petals. acid rose in the master’s throat, and he jumped to his feet, eyes freezing over from their nostalgic liquid gold. “koschei?” the doctor called, confused and hurt by the master’s sudden departure. not even looking back, the master stepped into the tardis. as far as he was concerned, the doctor had lost the right to call him that name when he picked rose.

the doctor took a second to find his feet and stumble after the master. a second too long, it seemed- the seething time lord had disappeared. this troubled the doctor until a searing pain shot through his chest and he collapsed against the console, coughing violently. this was it, he knew. the end. he’d often thought that he might die near the master, but never like this. still, dying would be easier than living with the master in this way. it was welcome.

when he first stormed back to the tardis, the master had planned to conceal himself in his room for the foreseeable future, but something in his hearts told him to stay close to the control room. he’d thought this a stupid idea, until he heard the doctor collapse.

“theta!” there was no point to life, the master thought, no life at all without his doctor. “theta, no.” beyond caring about dignity, the master dropped to his knees and held the doctor close. he looked dead, and the master lost what little hope he’d had. “theta, please. you can’t die, you can’t leave me like this. we’re meant to live, you and me, just like we always talked about. please, theta.” the master choked out a sob, his tears landing on the doctor’s face, in his hair. “theta, you can’t… i love you.” with those words, it was like a switch had been flipped. life returned to the doctor in suddenly easy gasps. “master?”  
“theta! oh, theta, i thought you were dead, you-” the pieces began to fall into place. “but… you had hanahaki. how are you alive?” the doctor looked around, solving the puzzle himself. “did you say you loved me?” still confused, the master nodded. “i did but- theta.” finally, the master understood, and captured the doctor’s bloodied lips in a long-overdue kiss.


End file.
